Hijacked Lattes
by CalamityBlue
Summary: There's only one café in Berk, and who else could be staffing it but the insufferable Jack Frost? Oh, the trials and tribulations Hiccup goes through for his precious coffee. It's not like he really minds it, anyway.
1. Chapter 1: Coffee On Your Face

As the leaves of summer began to fall, a certain white-haired young man paced around a coffee shop, discontent with his job as a humble barista in the backwater town of Berk. As a matter of fact, he worked in the ONLY coffee place in the tiny town. He sighed glumly and leaned on the counter, watching the maroon leaves shower down as they were shed by the trees in preparation for winter. _Nobody wants coffee in autumn, I'm stuck here wasting my time for minimum wage_, he thought as he checked his watch and decided to mop the floor for the seventh time that day.

The door creaked as it was pushed open, in a blatant contradiction of the sign on its front. "Hey, you, the sign says PULL, dumbass! Can't you read?!", he yelled, occupied with a persistent stain on the carpet. With a sigh and a roll of the eyes, the new arrival shook his chocolate-coloured hair, gold-flecked locks sweeping across his face.

"Well, why don't you just bite my head off, then? What does it matter to you, anyway?", a snarky voice replied.

Highly annoyed by the sarcastic stranger, Jack dropped the mop and began to shout. "Well, for one, you scrape dust EVERYWHERE. Two, you just pushed a TON of leaves in here, which I now have to sweep up! Lastly, you're COVERED in leaves and you're dropping them everywhere! Does nobody appreciate the barista these days?" Jack began to wave his arms about hysterically. "I make your wake-up juice! Worship me!"

He huffed for several moments, exhausted by the sudden outburst. "Done yet, caffeine queen? I need a drink," shot the newcomer. Scowling, the barista shuffled off to the counter, but not without catching a sly glance of the customer's rear end on the way. He straightened back up and stared at the boy from behind the cashier. "So, who are you and what do you want, anyway? I don't have all day."

The reply came, sarcastic as before. "Oh really? From what I see, you DO seem to have all day. I wonder where all the customers have gone, don't you? My name is Hiccup and I'm paying your wages, thanks very much. I'll have a latte, NO whipped cream." Jack nodded, fully intending to mess the order up somehow as payback. "That'll be six fifty." As the money was dropped onto the counter, he walked behind the giant machine that dominated the counter. Several minutes of hissing and whirring ensued, before the drink came out from its mystical preparation area and began its journey towards Hiccup.

As he dropped the mug onto the table, its occupant glared at him, unamused by the drink. "I did ask for NO whipped cream specifically, and what's this...thing doing here? A crudely drawn penis awaited him, accompanied by Jack's impish grin at the brunette's response to the latte art. The tips of his ears reddened and he grimaced, frowning, before turning to look at the giggling creator of the beverage. "But, sir, this is your drink, sir. Please enjoy. I took a lot of trouble for you, dear customer," sputtered Jack mirthfully.

"This is NOT a latte, you bumbling idiot. This is coffee abuse," ranted the irate customer. He stood up and glared at the barista, furious.

"I'm sorry it wasn't up to your standards, sir. You sure are. In fact, you surpass MY standards. Flying colours."

The brunette took a step back at this remark, and a tinge of red bled into his cheeks. "I am not amused. See if you get my business again! Good day," he stated bluntly, walking out the door. Jack simply watched blankly, with a wistful smile on his face as Hiccup stormed out of the store only to trip and fall into a pile of leaves. _Hmm, I wonder how all those leaves got in here_, he thought, still watching intently. A small shower of leaves now covered the entirety of the shop. As he relaxed in one of the shop's comfy sofas, he decided to leave that problem for another day.

The next day was again, calm and full of autumn leaves. Hiccup walked dejectedly along a pavement, dreading what was to come. Dry leaves crunched under his feet, fallen from the trees that now bared themselves in the face of winter. Not that winter ever really ended in Berk. Hoping for a miracle, he turned a corner to face THAT café. Just his luck. That idiotic barista was still there. Dear Thor, it just COULDN'T have been someone else, with his luck. He considered turning back and running away as fast as he could, but with his current caffeine-deprived condition, he'd be lucky to run two steps, let alone the half a mile back to his house. He was already starting to stagger, leaning to one side. As he watched the white-haired young man watch him from the window, he thought back to the previous day, when he'd been hit on. What kind of idiot does that? Maybe a cute one, the voice in his head suggested. As he shoved THAT thought to the back of his mind, he sighed and ventured forth, into the lion's den.

The welcome bells jingled as he pulled the door open, not wishing to test the patience of the only man who could help him in his time of need.

"Right, it's you again. Please, do me a favour and don't try to hit on me. I don't have the energy for that. I spent a whole day sitting half-dead at my desk and right now I'm going to collapse if you don't get me my coffee."

His legs began shaking again, and he wobbled onto a chair, unable to stand any longer. He had the look of a man on his deathbed, resigned to his fate. With his last ounce of strength, he managed a crooked, pleading smile. Jack smiled, finding the brunette at his mercy once again. The pleading look on his face told it all, anyway. He'd wrestle a bear for a single espresso bean. Not that his small frame could actually handle that, mind. Probably snap in half, by the looks of it. He already looked like he was going to collapse at any moment. He disappeared behind the fuming beast of a machine, and flipped a switch. Lights began blinking on and off, making it resemble a coffee-based Christmas tree.

After several minutes of whirring, the coffee guru walked back out of the staff area, and handed a bubbling cup of murky liquid to his DARLING customer. An overwhelming aroma of freshly-brewed coffee filled the vicinity, and the boy shuddered at the sight of the potent drink, a solitary tear falling from his left eye. As he took a sip from the cup, his eyes widened suddenly, colour returning to his vision. The hair on his arms stood up and he adopted a wild stare. Drinking the rest of the beverage greedily, his movements became steadily more twitchy and abrupt. With a satisfied sigh, he placed the mug onto the table and jumped up. "Well, it seems you enjoyed it, sir. That'll be twenty-five dollars.", stated Jack. The response he received was less than appropriate. After all, eye dilation, a gasp and fainting aren't exactly what you would expect. Or anyone, for that matter. He giggled for a moment, and picked the boy up, replacing him on the sofa. He'd sleep it off, the lightweight. Frankly, the ever-suave imp would have paid for it anyway, but that was for him to know, not Hiccup. Besides, tormenting him was much more fun. As he watched the sleeping patron, an idea wormed its way into his mind. Why not set up a surprise for him?

Hiccup's eyes fluttered open, and he found himself sitting in a cushioned chair in a familiar room. With a groan, he realised that he was still in the café, having collapsed about three hours prior, from the looks of it. The sun had already begun setting, casting a golden light over the entire landscape. He simply admired the shadows cast by the furniture for a few minutes, and decided to get far, far away from

the shop before that troublemaker had a chance to check on him. He got up, turning around to face the door. Suddenly, a flash of blue and white came into sight, making a truly frightful noise. A shriek escaped his lips unconsciously, before he noticed Jack standing beside the chair, doubled over in laughter. He stared disdainfully at the red-faced rascal.

"Y-you shoulda seen your FACE! It was hilarious. I mean, your face is enough to laugh at normally, but that, that was pure comedy gold."

A scowl worked its way onto Hiccup's face, and he raised an open hand, slapping hard enough to leave a mark on Jack's face. Well, at least that had gotten him to shop laughing. A hurt expression replaced the smile, and the glimmer in his eyes dulled. Guilt overwhelmed Hiccup, and he pulled Jack into a hug, patting his back.

"There, there, I'm sorry. Just don't laugh at me ever again. Or else. You'll regret it, I assure you."

Behind his back, Jack grinned, satisfied with his dramatic victory. He returned the favour, wrapping his arms around the other. He felt surprisingly warm, soft hair brushing against his ear. Pulling away, he grinned awkwardly.

"You're forgiven. Just remember that I'm the worst person ever. Never expect me to improve. Ever. I'm a hopeless case, Hiccup."

The two boys broke out into giggles, falling into chairs on either side of the wood-lined glass table. The moment was suddenly interrupted by the welcome bells announcing the arrival of a new customer. A sprightly woman, clad in brilliant neon colours walked in, noting the new visitor. The breeze ruffled her multi-coloured hair, sweeping it to the front. After sweeping it back, she rushed over to Jack, and stuck her fingers in his mouth fanatically.

"Anna, na, don't, Anna, stah, stah, not the teeth, not the teeth."

He swatted her hands away, and introduced her to Hiccup. "Hiccup, this is Anna Zabek, fellow coffee maniac. She has a slightly unsettling fascination with my teeth. She also wears the brightest clothes ever. I have no idea how she makes it work. Go ask her. So, Anna, what sort of liquid heart attack are you asking for this time?"

"Well, I have some work to do, unlike you, sitting here twelve hours a day and getting paid for it because the owner's off taking cruises everywhere. Get me six of your strongest brew, boy. That might keep me awake tonight. What kind of highway robbery are you charging tonight?"

"The usual, a hundred dollars. Your drinks will be ready shortly. Take a seat. Please don't ruin anything, I have to clean it up afterwards. Hiccup, follow me. I'll show you into the heart of the beast that is Berk's Finest Coffee."

A mechanical enthusiast, he followed Jack eagerly, through the staff counter's turnstile. Odd choice of entrance, he thought. Meanwhile, Anna had noticed the carpet of leaves that littered the store's wooden floors. New addition to the decor for autumn, perhaps. She examined the shelf beside the table, searching for whichever utensil would be the most annoying to clean.

The two boys stopped in front of a hissing, chrome-plated monstrosity labeled, aptly, The Destroyer.

"Flagship model, bought 25 years ago. We've named her Bertha. She acts up at exactly 11.52 am every Wednesday, and you have to smack her right in the logo. Beans go in the hoppers up there," He pointed to two glass towers protruding from the top of the machine. "And water gets piped in from the main supply. Now, to satisfy Anna."

He twisted a dial, bringing several gauges into the red, and then flicked a switch, triggering a sudden humming from within. A large metal jug was placed under the main nozzle, and Jack ran to retrieve supplies. Soon, he was carrying a handful of cups and a cardboard tray.

"Right, you need to be careful with this stuff. It's thick. Pour slowly, and never, under any circumstances, shake the jug. Ever."

"Yeah, yeah, pour, how hard could it be to serve coffee?"

With a knowing smile, Jack simply stepped back and watched. Hiccup poured a black goo into five of the cups, filling the sixth halfway before encountering an issue. He stared into the receptacle, finding a lump of muck stuck within. He tipped the jug upside down, shaking it. Without warning, the lump liquified and came loose from the base of the jug, coinciding exactly with Hiccup's jerk upwards. This unfortunate coincidence resulted in contact with his face, splattering it with very thick coffee.

"Don't say I didn't warn you. I tried."

Coffee grounds dripping from his hair, the brunette glared at Jack. The freckles that covered his face had now been joined by many tiny droplets of murky, caffeinated water. He dropped the jug onto the ground with a loud clang, and stormed out of the store, not unlike his exit the previous day. Sighing with exasperation, the barista picked up Anna's drinks and brought them around to the customer area. The tiny lady looked up, having been mashing cinnamon powder sugar and milk together in a cinnamon press. He cleared his throat, causing her to jump.

"Well, hello, there. I see you've managed to make someone walk out already. So, tell me about this Hiccup character. He seems interesting enough."

"He came in yesterday, asking for a latte. Pushed the door open and left leaves everywhere, so I went ahead and gave him a nice latte art dick. That got him mad, and he walked out. Today he was all desperate for his wake-up juice, and started begging me. Gave him one of the strong brews. A little shock and he's out. Bit of a lightweight if you ask me."

The woman, knowing Jack better than he suspected, was already aware of what was happening. "You like him, don't you? Somewhere deep in your black, coffee-infused heart, you've got a little spark, just waiting for him. Waiting to grab him, and kiss him, and screw his little socks off. And then you'll cuddle up together in bed and watch him sleep, like the pervy little devil you are."

Blushing severely, the barista mumbled incoherently and ran for the safety of the staff area. Anna chuckled, grinning. Well, no coffee like free coffee. Mooching off Jack was easy enough with the right tricks. As she walked out, she noticed a trail of leaves heading to the right and all the way down the street. Shrugging, she disregarded it and kept walking, planning an art marathon in her apartment that night.


	2. You Big Disgrace

As the sun rose into the sky, casting a white light over the Earth below, Hiccup sighed with relief. No sign of the coffee idiot today. Perfect. He'd had enough of him and his rubbish, anyway. It was Saturday, no work. No need for coffee at all. He strolled along the pavement, whistling a tune from his youth. Beside him strode a large dog, covered in shaggy chocolate-coloured hair.

"C'mon, Toothless. you need some exercise. I read in a magazine that you Labs are prone to obesity. You sure look like you could shed a bit of meat off those bones."

Seemingly understanding the remark directed at him, the canine leapt onto Hiccup, knocking him down onto the herringbone paving. He yelled out in alarm, and flinched, opening his eyes to the sight of Toothless licking him. The brunette glared at the dog, shooting one of his customary remarks off.

"That was _not_ funny. I've got all these leaves in my hair now! Also, _eww_. Dog slobber. I don't appreciate you slobbering on my face, thanks very much."

He swept a small mountain of leaves out of his hair, shrugged, and got up. Toothless simply cocked his head at the reprimand and continued trotting towards the park. With a sigh to end all sighs, Hiccup rolled his eyes and followed suit. A gust brought a mighty line of leaves onto the road, seeming to trail the boy. The vast green meadow came into view, an integral part of the city. It was interlaced with lines of paving slabs that formed several ambling paths through the grass. A wooden sign held the park rules in white paint, long since committed to memory by the townspeople. The dog paused in front of the gate, as if reading the sign for the umpteenth time. Taking advantage of the momentary distraction, a leash was clipped onto Toothless' red collar.

"Now, let's be sensible, for once, and at least try not to soak everyone else in saliva. The last time you did that, half the police force came chasing after us, along with a dozen angry grannies and four mothers pushing strollers. I'm pretty sure they've come out with that new spike-tipped stroller. Wouldn't appreciate picking needles out of my butt for an hour."

The dog barked enthusiastically and ran through the gates into a bush, marking his territory in an unpleasant shade of bright yellow. He then rushed back out and towards a tree, pulling his unfortunate owner behind him. A frantic run around the park ensued as Toothless made his desire to mark the entire park apparent. Also included in the casualties were two poodles, their owners' pants, a very soggy baby and two picnic lunches. Needless to say, the pair had never been very popular in the park and didn't expect to be in the near future.

A sudden bump marked the sixteenth collision of the day, and Hiccup looked up to apologise, and instead let out a very audible groan. A hint of blue and white had been enough to reveal the worst.

"Oh, nice to see you here, Hiccup. Walking your dog, then? He looks nice, what kind of do-" Jack's speech cut off abruptly as a glance downward revealed an issue.

Several loops of leash now encircled the pair, ending with both Hiccup's hand and the red collar on the ever-mischievous dog's neck. Now wobbling rather worryingly, the two boys adopted a slightly concerned look on their faces. Moments later, a mighty crash resonated as they lost their balance and fell onto the grass. Hiccup wriggled helplessly, feet still trapped in the leash. The barista's face stood mere inches away from his own, and seemed uncomfortably close in the heat of the moment. Just as he accepted the fact that this was the worst possible situation, a humid breath fell onto his face, followed by a warm tongue. _Great, just...great_, he thought, slowly being engulfed in viscous saliva. A blank smile occupied Jack's face, brought about by his proximity to the freckled boy. Still struggling viciously, a minor victory was achieved as a sneaker fell off, allowing the bare sock to slip through. This was repeated for the other foot, and soon enough, Hiccup was free of the constricting ropes. Leaning down to untie the other, a brilliant idea wormed itself into his thoughts. He straightened back up and motioned for Toothless to follow him. He carved a path along the grass, closely followed by his pet and the unwitting guest who had begun to curse at him.

"**_Let me go_**, Freckles! I have things to do and-" His head rolled over a root. "**OW**. Let me go, I said! You have no idea what I'm going to do to you when I'm free. You will rue the day you tried to contain Jack Frost. _RUE THE DAY_!

After five minutes of this torment, the white-haired young man was finally let loose, and groaned in relief. He lay spread-eagled on the grass and leaves for a moment, before snapping up and pulling the laughing brunette's legs out from under him. Fortunately, his fall was cushioned by a veritable pile of leaves. The small boy disappeared into the pile, and a single hand stuck out from beneath the surface, waving frantically. Grinning, Jack took hold of it and pulled vigorously, propelling the stunned Hiccup out of the leaf pile and straight into the ground, driving his entire face several centimeters into the ground.

"My poor nose! It's all swollen and scratched! I bet it's going to get all bruised now.", he yelled in indignation, bottom sticking high into the air, much like a white flag of surrender.

Laughing, Jack simply stuck his hands in his pockets and walked off into the midday sun, leaving Hiccup to his own methods.


	3. Kicking Your Beans All Over The Place

A/N: Okay, okay. Right. Sorry. I've been forgetting this part too much. I love you people, don't mind my idiocy. Please forgive my erratic chapter naming conventions. Moving on, let's talk to you. I intend to update around once or twice a week, depending on how busy I am, most likely on Saturdays. By the time you've read this, I'll have thought of more stuff to write in the space and I'll put in in the next chapter's A/N. Quiick note. The scene in the last chapter was based on this: post/48454769916/in-which-toothless-is-a-sly-dog-g et-it-who-is and I'm indebted to Kohi for letting me use it and its brilliance. Until next time, lovelies. Bye!

A loud thud punctuated the silence of the room. Lit by a fluorescent tube embedded in the ceiling, it felt much dingier than Jack was accustomed to. After all, the warm yellow glow of his home had always been welcoming. Right up until that fateful year's record-breaking snowfall. He'd been out at a friend's house when the news had come in. His house, out by the lake, had been buried in snow by an avalanche. All the electrics were down, meaning that he couldn't even call them. It wasn't until three days later that his family had been found, huddled together in the living room. The verdict delivered by the local coroner was death by hypothermia, in the midst of the first night.

For years, the trauma of the incident had tormented him, even through the arrival of a benevolent, white-haired foster father whom he simply called North. It had never occurred to him to actually ask what the man's name was, even after several years of living with him. In the last month, however, they'd moved to Berk for some sort of 'job opportunity', whatever that meant. At least he could get a summer job here to mitigate the boredom, and perhaps earn some sort of pittance with which to buy whatever strange doohickey fascinated him most at the time. It was nearly midnight, and a deep, rumbling snore emanated from the master bedroom, affording him the chance to do whatever he wished; in pin-drop silence, of course. He'd found the right address, anyway. Now, to navigate the awfully creaky front door that he **should have** oiled last month.

Walking through the streets of Berk in darkness was somewhat calming, showered in the orange glow of the streetlights. It gave him a chance to think. What did he feel about that boy? Did the freckled face pluck at his heartstrings? Perhaps it was the slim body, or the sardonic remarks that poured from his mouth like ambrosia. Whatever it was, it gave him palpitations and shot his head off into the clouds. Distracted by his internal monologue, Jack walked straight into a tree and yelled out in pain as his face collided with the rough bark. Stunned by the collision, he pulled away and shook his head before continuing. _Stop thinking about him!_, he berated himself.

After another fifteen mind-numbingly dull minutes, the hoodie-clad young man approached a seemingly ordinary home, located on an equally ordinary street. He filled his front pocket with an assortment of small pebbles and gravel, before hefting himself onto a slightly bent tree that stood on the front lawn. Grunting, his feet wandered on the trunk, searching for footholds. As he climbed onto his destination branch, a slippery spot revealed itself, and Jack hugged the branch with both arms and legs, panting heavily. He smiled with a sense of relief, and began creeping across its surface, inching towards a window barely touching the end of the branch.

A light sleeper, Hiccup's dream faded away in the presence of a repeated clinking noise. It sounded like...gravel? Against...glass? Eyes still dusted with the remnants of sleep, he blinked and turned to face his window. What awaited him there was enough to shock him out of bed and onto the floor, crushing his slippers, along with any remaining chance of going back to sleep. A smiling face straight out of his worst nightmares awaited him, along with fistfuls of gravel being flung at his window. The projectiles soon ceased their assault, replaced

by a waving hand. Smacking his forehead with an open palm, the brunette shook his head in disbelief, and shuffled towards the window to yell at the visitor.

Sliding the pane upwards, he yelled. "What the **HELL** are you **DOING** at **_ONE AM OUTSIDE my WINDOW_**? How'd you even _get here_?! How'd you get my **ADDRESS**?! Get the fuck away! Some people have to **SLEEP** at night."

On cue, a door creaked open outside, in the hallway, and booming steps could be heard approaching Hiccup's room. Adopting a slightly alarmed look on his face, he hurriedly pulled Jack in, shoving him behind his bed and out of sight as his door opened, revealing a stout man in a nightcap and striped pajamas. Oops, he'd awakened his father.

"_Hamish Horrendous Haddock III, why are you shouting loud enough to wake the entire town up in the middle of the night?_Is there some sort of issue? If not, I would appreciate you leaving me to my rest. I actually have a job to do, unlike you. I knew I should've installed that sound-proof insulation when we bought the house. Only fifteen hundred dollars! At least I'd still be in bed right now."

Mumbling to himself, the large man stumbled back out of the room, slamming the door behind him. The boy sighed in relief, before remembering the task at hand and pivoting back towards the intruder. His right eye twitched in anger, mind at a loss for words strong enough to use on Jack.

"Right. You...you...I don't even have anything to say to you any more. I'd tell you to go to Hell, but that'd probably make it implode. I'd say to go fuck yourself, but you'd enjoy that. Dying in a hole wouldn't be punishment enough, either. Anyway, what exactly could drive you to try getting into my house through my bedroom window..at one in the morning? Couldn't it have waited a few hours, until I wasn't asleep? Would that be too much to ask?"

Seeming to listen and actually take Hiccup's remarks in for once, Jack stood up at the side of the bed, and promptly collapsed onto it in exhaustion. This action caused the brunette a great deal of distress, followed by half a dozen hopeless attempts to wake him up, and an eventual decision to (marked by a great deal of disgust) share the bed, due to the floor being cold enough to freeze a polar bear. Scarcely had he climbed onto the edge of the bed than the big lug of a stalker rolled onto him, trapping him. _This is gonna be a long night_, thought Hiccup, as he redoubled his attempts to pull the duvet away.


	4. Good Morning, Sleeping Beauty?

A/N: Hello, lovelies. This is your regularly scheduled Saturday update. Let's go! Note to self, maybe I shouldn't keep writing in the morning on Saturday.

The next morning, Hiccup opened his eyes, taking in the magnificent sunrise through his window, although for barely a second before he remembered his predicament. He jumped out of his bed, or at least tried to, still pinned down by the snoring youth lying on his back. Straining, his frail limbs still failed to grant him release from Jack. Eventually, he gave up, flopping limply onto the bed's edge, unable to budge the intruder.

After a moment of recuperation, he grabbed a pillow from the head of the bed and began attacking the big lug's torso viciously. Unfortunately, all that he achieved was a grunt and a generous pawing of his face. Summoning the last of his strength, he slipped out from under the white-haired boulder and onto the floor. A sigh of relief escaped his lips, before an ominous shadow fell over him. Pupils dilating in shock, Hiccup could only gape in shock as a blue hoodie made its way, along with its owner, off the bed and towards him. Still paralysed by fear, he simply lay on the ground and accepted his fate. He _might_ have squeaked a little when he was crushed, but that was entirely justified. After all, pain deserves its sounds as well. Luckily for the brunette, his efforts had not been in vain and Jack had finally begun to awake from his exhaustion-induced slumber.

"Wha-Where _am_ I? I don't remember my room having a window. And what's this squishy thing under me? It feels...angry...and...a little scrawny?"

"Mmmph, mmmph, mm hmmccup, mmmh mhhhhh pfft."

Rolling off the unidentified object, Jack turned, only to see an fuming Hiccup on the floor. "Oh crap, this is bad. This is bad. Get away from angry customer. Initiate Escape Route B-131!"

He jumped up and ran towards the white wooden door leading out into the hallway. Twisting the knob desperately, he found the the door had been locked, and the key was...with Hiccup. _Of course_. Just his luck, then. He turned his back to the door and slid down its surface into a misshapen pile of fabric and pale hair in an attempt to protect himself from the boy's rage. Turns out that curling up into a ball isn't very useful when someone starts pummeling you with their fists. _Who knew_? Definitely not the unfortunate Jack, that was for sure. Neither did it stop punches, or slaps, or even kicks. Huffing, Hiccup ceased his barrage of pain, and the bruised receiver pouted at him.

"How does all that pain fit into that tiny body, anyway? Do you have any secrets? Methods? Martial arts training? I wonder if any of that carries over in bed. Interesting field of study, that. Care to investigate with me? I'd appreciate that," shot Jack with his characteristic impish grin plastered over his face.

This comment received a book to the face. Perhaps he should stop pushing his luck. But then again, what's pain when you can have flirting? He leapt up and spring-boarded off the door, flying over Hiccup's head and pulling the key out of his clenched fist. Landing with a roll, he ran back towards the door, grinning at the brunette all the while. He jammed the key into the lock, unlocked the door and escaped into another part of the house. Turning to the door with a confused look, Hiccup's smirk fell into a frown as he slumped to the floor in defeat.

"Jack, are you here? Anywhere? Answer me! You idiotic asshole, get out here **_NOW_**!"

Jack simply sat in his hiding place, a closet filled with tiny clothes and toys, giggling to himself as he watched the pajama-clad feet wander in search of him. As they passed and returned from the other wall of the room, he readied himself and pounced onto the unwitting boy. This action shocked him, and a high-pitched scream came from his mouth, a repeat of the incident in the coffee-house. He growled and a struggle began between the two, each wrestling for control. The fight ended almost as soon as it had begun, with a very obvious result. Hiccup was much too weak to even hope to overpower Jack, after all. Not even in his wildest dreams. The barista pinned the brunette's wrists to the ground, and stared into the deep green eyes searchingly. At least, he would've, if their owner hadn't been bucking wildly in a futile effort to escape. That, and they'd been shut tightly in frustration. Eventually, the struggling stopped, and the boy simply lay there, whimpering slightly while his eyes stared pleadingly at his assailant in the hopes of stirring his sympathy. This facade simply vanished as soon as his wrists were free, and he reversed the position, trapping the unwitting sapphire-eyed teenager.

Great. Just great. He'd let him melt his heart, and he'd taken advantage of that to get him back. Oh, why, why did he have to fall for **HIM**, of all people? Someone else would've been much less trouble. Now he was stuck here, with no possible escape in sight. In the middle of the lion's den.

His thoughts clouded his mind, and he failed to notice several increasingly obvious things happening around him. But that wasn't his fault. Who would notice things like...being blindfolded, or having your limbs tied up, or even being tied down when they were thinking about something that serious? Tiny little things, they were. Much more important was the fact that he was THINKING, and shouldn't be interrupted. Oh, crap. Was that Hiccup? Interrogating him? And was he tied...to his bed? Kinky. Hadn't he had a dream about this last week? Yeah, he had. And then he'd woken up with drool all over his pillow. And a not-so-nice big sticky stain on his boxers. And those had been his favourites, too! Nice big snowflakes all over. Snapping himself back to the present, he looked worriedly at the approaching boy. _Was that...a riding crop? Uh oh._

A/N: So, how about I leave you with a nice little cliffhanger, just to be a meanie. Goodbye!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Well, exams are done. Maybe I can settle back into something that resembles a schedule. Or be lazy, i guess. Reviews are nice, though. Mind leaving me a few of those? I do like them very much.**

Jack struggled wildly against his constraints, a set of iron clamps bolted to a wooden board. He raised a brow and turned to Hiccup.

"Where'd you even get this thing? I don't think they sell these any more. Specialty bondage store?"

"Our family's had the house for a couple hundred years. You find a lot of things in the basement." The reply was nonchalant, riding crop wagging like a tail in the air.

"Back to the real topic here. What am I doing here? When did you tie me up? Why are you a sadistic little fucker? Not that I really mind, y'know, but consent is important for this sort of thing, dearie."

The smart remark earned him a red welt on his right cheek._ I wonder how he gets his practice. _Ever the cheeky bastard, Jack simply smiled, licking his lips playfully.

A vein stood out on Hiccup's forehead, pulsing. "I'm the one asking questions here, if you don't mind. Or is that incomprehensible to you, _your grace_? Firstly, what were you doing in my house? I don't take kindly to intruders in my bedroom. Manners, y'know. Or maybe you don't. I've come to not expect much of you."

An attempt to shrug quickly failed. "What can I say, I'm just that kind of person. Stalker-y and a total creeper. I get bored at midnight and climb a tree. Wrong tree, I guess. Had to be you, with my luck. Maybe I just needed a warm body pillow. Not my fault. Psh, manners. Who needs 'em? S'not like anyone could get mad at this _angelic_ face right here. Just melts all your cares right away. Tempted yet? These lips are always ready."

Hiccup rolled his eyes at the pitiful flirting and began pacing around the room, grasping one wrist in the other hand. "Well, then. Guess I'll have to keep you in here till you decide to say something of use. Can't have you running out in the wild if you're that much of a creeper, can we? This is your last chance. Speak."

Unwilling to be shut in a room all by himself, chained to a medieval torture device and left to his own thoughts(that bit scared him the most), Jack blanched, opening and closing his mouth wordlessly.

"Just wanted to say, I LOVE your manners. Must go thank your dad one of these days. Sure taught you well, judging by what you're doing now. So, do you really want to know? I guess creeping you out might be fun. I got bored and did a bit of poking around the telephone directory. You would not believe how much info they put in there. Telephone number, address, age, family, blood type, medical history, the works. Figured I might as well pay a visit to my best customer."

A fresh wave of exasperation washed over the brunet, and he swept a hand down his face.

"I don't think I've ever met anyone like you."

"Oh, do you think so? I'm glad you think of me in that way."

"No. Don't open your mouth. You're burying me in your bullshit already."

"That's not all I could bury you in. Do you like the snow, Haddock?"

For a moment, Hiccup screwed his face up in confusion at the innuendo, but a look of realisation soon dawned upon his face, closely pursued by an expression of pure, unfettered rage.

"Did you just...REALLY? What sort of reaction were you expecting from me? Should I run over, unbuckle you and run into your arms like a sweet little princess? And then we can try to swallow each other's tongues and make sweet, sweet love. Brilliant plan. So, got any lube hidden away or would you prefer a pillow?"

For once, Jack was the one rendered speechless by the lewd comments coming his way, and a spectacular shade of crimson bloomed on his cheeks. During the momentary silence that followed, the basement door creaked open to reveal a large man holding an instruction manual.

"Hiccup, do you know where I could find a box of screws? I haven't been down here in ages," he bellowed cheerily.

The brunet looked close to a heart attack at that moment, judging by his shocked expression. "Uh, no, dad, haven't seen any screws around here! Why don't you check the...garage? Yeah, yeah, I'm sure the garage has screws. Plenty of them. In fact, why don't I come along with you?"

Stoick chuckled and lowered the instruction manual. His eyes nearly popped out at the sight that awaited him. Spluttering wildly, he stepped towards the table and eyed the riding crop with derision.

"What-What exactly are you trying to achieve with this? My grandfather's riding crop? Some sort of kinky nightmare? Release this buy now!"

Grumbling, Hiccup undid the leather straps binding Jack to the table, and he fell face-first onto the floor, blacking out immediately.

Tangled in his duvet, Jack thrashed around on his bed, desperate to free himself. He was drenched in sweat from the vivid dream and its twisted imagery. After dumping his covers onto the floor, he lay back on his pillow and panted resignedly.

"That's it, no more pizza with maple syrup before bed."

**A/N: I...don't have an excuse for the shambolic state of my affairs. Forgive me, dear readers. I mean, seriously. 35 days. Urgh. *runs off into sunset to weep* **


End file.
